Jet Set Radio Professor K Funny Burn House Down
"DJ Professor K's Scratchin' Reel - Jet Set Radio Evolution" is a high quality rip of "DJ Professor K's Scratchin' Reel" from Jet Set Radio Evolution.
"Are y'all listening in, or what? Through the stars and beyond the seven seas is Tokyo-to's number one pirate radio station, Jet Set Radiooooo! And I'm your bracket winner, your King for the Day, DJ Professor K! The people have spoken, and it seems they fancy the sound of the radio. Now, that's something I can get funky with, ha ha ha ha! Listen up, fools, we're going to monster jam for the next 24 hours, so buckle up! 'Cuz it's time to let loose and get wild! JET SET RADIOOOOOOOO!" "Bazinga." "The beat is sick. If it's not sick, why bother?" "Bing bing wahoo. Get ready for some Mario." "Hey hey hey hey hey, Hate to break up the party folks, but I have to cut to commercial! Aah, stay tuned though! We'll be right back." "Woah. Oh, that track went HARD. I'm gonna need to cut to commercial to cool off. We'll-we'll be right back. Hot damn, what are these kids making these days?! Phew!" "Havin' fun out there, folks? We're gonna take a short break but we'll be right back so don't you go nowhere!" "Alright, folks, time to cut to commercial. Hey, even a pirate radio station needs to make money somehow! We'll be right back." "Yo yo yo! That was some hot beats right there, but we're gonna go to commercial break right now. [Imitating Reggie] If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go back to playing Animal Crossing: New Leaf on my Nintendo 3DS." "Phew! Man, I sure do hope y'all brought a change of socks 'cause I'm about to try and blow 'em off. Listen up!" "Brrrr! Ooooh, is it c-c-c-c-cold in here? Or is it just me? This next one's for you, Adam Levine." "Yo, shout-out to Ajit, who taught me how to spin a fidget spinner like MAD! These things man, haha, it's like butter in your hand! (chuckles) I can't get enough! Oh—uh, anyway, this is JET SET RADIOOOOO!" "My man Al says they've got it all on UHF. But I doubt they've got any of these funky fresh beats! Jet Set RADIOOOO!" "Hey, Cool Meme Team! Congratulations! I gotta give it to you, when I saw those results, I was like, 'Woah! Nobody was expecting you guys to win the King for Another Day tournament!' Well what can I say? Ain't nobody can beat the Chungus. Hehehehehe. To congratulate you guys on your win, I'm having Beat send over some Reddit Gold for ya. Stay fresh, my brothers." "Hey, this is KING DJ Professor K with Jet Set Radio, the baddest pirate radio station comin' straight from the soul, and right into your ears. Shout-out to Daft Punk and my man Pharrell, ha ha! Ain't nobody understand the concept of digital love better than you guys." "Yo, Dedede! Kirby called me up yesterday and told you you was STUPID! Yeah, that's right, he went, "Poyo-POP! Poyo-poyo-POP! Poyo-POP! Poyo-hot-diggety-poyo-POP!" What'chu gonna do about that, huh?" "Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just listening to Jet Set Radio? Grab your coconut guns, 'cuz we're about to get funky with the monkey. Keep it crazy, DK! BANANA SLAMMA!" "Stop! I've gotta give a shout-out to Elmo and Jack! [Beat] Alright, that was a good stop. Now let's roll out the next track!" "This next one's comin' right at ya at supersonic speed, just for you, Eminem." "Mmm. Listen to that funky music. You ain't never gonna hear nothing this fresh except on Jet Set Radio, so don't you touch tha…[light corpsing]...Don't tou...don't touch…[more laughter until out of breath] Ah, sorry, sorry, sorry folks. Hah… whew! I just, mmm! Hehe, I just happened to start thinkin' about HOBa…[more laughter]...HOBaRT...[continued laughter]...Oh, such a funny mixer. Okay, I'm done, I'm done, it's gone, it's gone, out of my head, out of my head. [pause. K tries to hold in his laughter, but snickers and lets it all out anyway] He-he-he's a mixer! [laughter] He's a mi-he's a mi-he's a mixer! [continued laughter] Oh, such a funny mixer...[laughs until he calms down, then starts up again] He's a mixer! [laughs] You're listening... to Jet Set Radio! I gotta find that dude! Oh, I don't know why that's funny!" "Yo yo yo, shout-out to the Jack Bros. It's time for JET SET RADI-HEE-HOOOOO!" "Oh no... One of those Jazz Cats just showed up and gave me the augmented triad face... quick, we gotta play a real banger fast, or I ain't able to play those Coltrane Changes ever again!" "Woah, mama! Shout-out to Johnny Bravo, and all my friends over at CN City!" "This is Jet Set Radio, and hot Jiminy Cricket, I'm starving. I could for real use one of those Krabby Patties right about now. Yo Krabs! Get that joint of yours workin' on doin' delivery! You would make some maaaad cash." " HOLD IT! I gotta shout-out to my boy Phoenix Wright! Get your pointer fingers ready, cuz' you'll know you ain't gonna be able to TAKE THAT! funky rhythm!" "Hey, I've got a special shout-out to give, to my good friend Mariya Takeuchi. (sighs) Man, you were so close, girl. I still remember that first night we met. Bumpin' into you at at the lobby. You was all down after that first loss: gal out of her time in a new world she don't understand. Thought you was done for. I forget if I told you at the time, but...I saw myself in you right then. Reminded me of how I felt during the first tournament. Come all the way from Tokyo-to just to be... beat right off the bat. Didn't feel good man.
And now would ya look what happened; two losers became winners. [chuckles] You know, I'm proud to be here and all, but I gotta admit… there was a small part of me that's....sad. Sad that you wasn't the one who ended up on top in that final showdown. You woulda been great.
I don't know if you're hearing this right now— you and time got some funky relationship going on. But wherever, and whenever you are, I hope you're doing a'ight.
Stay chill. Stay chill, girl. [pause] Anyway, (clears throat) let's get back to the funk."
"Yo, this is Jet Set Radio, and [demonic voice] you are going to die in 72 hours. [normal] What the…? Hey! MissingNo....where you at? Get back here and help me with one of these tracks, will ya? I'm still reeling from our last jam session!" "[Trying out voices] "Kore ga, kore ga, kore ga, kore gaaaa, kore ga, kore gaaaaaa. This is Jet Set kore gaaaaaa." "[Various attempts to speak Inkling] — aw, shoot. I can't speak no Inkish, screw it. Yo! OTH! There's one of your shooter-thingies here, you need to take it back, 'cuz the GG's are going haywire with it. Ugh, I'm gonna be covered in so much ink, I'm gonna turn into a squid myself soon! Get. Over. Here. Pronto." "Hey yo Papyrus, did you send me a...plate of spaghetti in the mail? Well we were thinkin' you sent it, so we made sure to feed it to the dog. Haha, he loved it!" "Super Bass, Outer Space, in your face, baby! Haha! This is Jet Set Radio! We're kicking it live, even in the furthest reaches of the galaxy! And to all you aliens out there, yo, do me a solid and say 'yeah' to my good buddy Marcianito for me! [Imitates Pitbull's grito]" "Sometimes, it helps to take a step back and soak in the gravity of the situation...with a little CAVE STORY! Haha, Shou—ahem-Oh god-oh-something's in my throat— (clears throat) Sorry about that folks, I don't know how that happened. Phew! Now where was I? Oh right-(clears throat) Cave Story, somethin' about that, yadda yadda yadda… Shout-out to the best robo-kid out there, Quote! Yo, Polar Star? This one's for you." "Hey fellas. I got a heads-up from Reggie on who the next Smash fighter's gonna be, heheh. I'd tell ya who, but (sigh) sucker made me sign an NDA. Well, screw it! Jet Set Radio doesn't care about any N-D-A-B-C, nothin'! I'M in! I got the letter! I've reached peak performance, baby, haha! And now… [sadly] I'm goin' to jail..." "Mm-mm-mmm! There really ain't nothin' like a funky beat, folks! And speakin' of funky beats...yo, Rhythm Masters! You ever find yourselves in Tokyo-to, stop by the studio sometime. We could make a hell of a Megamix together!" "I've come to make an announcement— Dr. Robotnik is one bad-ass mother, and he deserves a prrrrromotion! I'm King DJ Professor K, and you're listening to Jet Set Radiooooo!" "Hey, Imma give a shout-out real quick to my boy to my boy Solid Snake. Uh, Snake? You there? Snake? C'mon, answer me man! Snake? SNAKE? SNAAAAAKE!" "Shout-out to the most badass Mickey Mouse in town! I'm talking about my man, Thanos! Get those finger snaps ready— everyone except Thanos, that is. Eheh. You should, er, probably lay off the snaps, dude. Do that funky dance, instead. "Hey Wario! You still owe me that meatball sandwich you stole from me in the cafeteria! AND a pizza! AND some Doritos! AND my wallet. So...come on down sometime and bring that stuff back. AND we could have a rotten good time jammin' too, ha ha ha… but I do need that wallet back." "This next one's for you, ZUN, 'cuz you're about to get drunk with the funk." " Mmm-mmm-mmm! That was one fine track. Tasted like real good chicken, mmm! Finger-lickin'! In case you just tuned in, you're listening to Jet Set Radio, the funkiest radio station this side of Tokyo-to." "Whoa, damn! All this summer heat makes me want more King for Another Day content! (sigh) I wish SiIvaGunner had some content farms..." "Jet Set Radio— whether you're chilling on your couch or in your coffin, don't forget to tune us in to keep you company." "[pause] Yo! Has anyone seen my dog? He's gone missing! Oh, he couldn't take the heat! [from farther away from the microphone] Boy, where you at!?? Oh, shoot, uh- [closer to the mic] This is Jet Set Radio. [farther] Where you at?! " "Hey, this is Jet Set Radio. Now, heck, did you rudies expect me to run this thing for the full 24 hours? (laughs) Your old man's got chops, but he ain't all what he used to be. He gotta take a break sometime. So I brought some help to make sure we got the best manning it for you all day and all night long." 
"Yo, how's it hangin', punks!? Ready for a change of pace?" "I've brought on my daughter, Doctor K, to take the wheel for a spin while your king takes a view. Don't you worry, though, we're still gonna keep this radio the baddest things since rotten eggs!" "I'm DJ Doctor K, and my old man is finally letting me help him DJ. Get ready, because if you aren't dancing yet, we'll have you partying in no time!" "JET SET RADIOOOOO!" "Hey! AGES ! You listenin'? This next one's dedicated to you!" "[sound effect] Yeah!"
"Jet Set Sona! Listen up, you wanna see some funky fresh art? Check out my extra-special MOJO post. Wanna contribute? Spray up that canvas and hashtag that sucker with #JSSxKFAD." "[sound effect] C'mon!"
"Look, I, um, was definitely rooting for my old man, but (whispers) just between you and me? Dr. Piccolo was where it was at, yo! Shonen Jump AND he's a doctor? Oh man, it was a match made in heaven!" "There's only one thing that's never gonna give you up, let you down, run around, or desert you. And that's JET SET RADIOOOOO! [high-pitched samples of "Never Gonna Give You Up" play]" "Beats so hard, they'll stop your heart. Don't worry, I can get it bumping again." "[sound effect] Funky."
"I thought you'd be back by 11." "I said, I'd be back later." "You ASSUMED you would be back later, IF you came back at all, you'd be back later!" "Well, I'm back, okay?" "Is this...rubble?" "(eating) It was just a little workout! Just to stay loose." "You know how I feel about that, pops! Don't you? We can't blow cover again." "Eh, the building was coming down anyway." "What!? You knocked out a building!?" "It was already on fire. Structurally unsound. It was comin' down anyway." "Tell me you haven't been listening to the police scanner again." "Look, I performed a public service. You act like that's a bad thing." "It IS a bad thing, pops! Uprooting our family again so you could relive the glory days is a very bad thing!" "Reliving the glory days is better than acting like they didn't happen!" "Yes! They happened! But THIS, our family, is what's happening now, pops, Andd you're missing this? I can't believe you don't want to go to your own son's graduation!" "It is not a graduation. He's moving from the fourth grade to the fifth grade." "It's a ceremony!" "It's psychotic! They keep comin' up with new ways to celebrate mediocrity, but if someone is genuinely exceptional—" "This is not about you, dad. This is about Beat." "Want to do something for Beat? Then let him actually compete! Let him go out for sports!" "I will not be made the enemy here. You know why we can't do that." "BECAUSE HE'D BE GREAT!" "This is not about you!" [long pause]
"(sigh) Alright, Beat, I know you're listening. Come on out, man." "Gum? You too, young lady." "Love Shockers! How's it hangin'? Still gettin' over your nasty breakup? Heh, I understand! You'd think someone my age was from the Tokyo-to sewers. Anyway, Next track coming up!" "Hey hey, Noise Tanks, I got a message for ya: (clears throat) Beep boop boop beep. Bzzt, boop toop, beep boop. For all my human ears, that means: Screw their boss! Hahaha! JET SET RADIOOOOOO!" "Ey yo, Rapid 99! I got a message for you straight from your sewer-dwelling pals. Poison Jam says you...Ooooh. Oh ho hoho...you STINK worse than them!? Oh, NO, they did not just go there, they NOT just say that! Ho, damn! What y'all gonna do about this, ladies? "Grab onto your Mortys, 'cuz this one's gonna wubba-dubba-lub-dub all the Ricks in the multiverse!" "All right, let's uh, let's take a look at this. Grand Set? Radio? Aaaw… Grand Set. Grand Set! Grand SET?! Grand Set!" "Hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife, cuz' Jet Set Radio is comin' away to steal your soul!" "It's a HOT one! I'm on fire, baby! No, really, I am actually on fire right now. Somebody call 911! Aah, ah, aah, AAAAAHH!" "There are 24 hot singles in your area, and guess what? They're all listening to Jet Set Radi-OOH!" ""Hey! I KNOW you ain't asleep! You can sleep any other day, but not during these beats! JET SET RADIOOOOO!" "This is Jet Set Radio, comin' to you live to give you the freshest jams from the jam store. Next up is a real top-notch— Hey, hey, heyeyeyeyey! HEY! Beat! Put that mother flippin' thing back before I come over there an— ugh. Kids these days. Trust me folks, you do NOT want to know what he was about to play. No siree. Anyway, (clears throat) back to business." My name's DJ Professor K... and I will be attempting... the longest 'Jet Set Radio' ever. [breathes in] 'ight. A'ight we doin' this. Alright here we go. (clears throat) We doin' this, we doin' this. (clears throat) Jet Set RADIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO "Grab your loved ones and ask them to a slow dance 'cause it's time to get chill." "What's happenin', my memers and streamers, this is Jet Set Radio comin' to you with the best of the best. This next one is so fire, your grandpa's gonna get cremated twice!" "Yo, we got a letter comin' in from your good pal, Nigra. It says —ahem— [Does his best Nigra impression] [Whispering] jet set radiooooo...." "You know, people ask me all the time: K, how do you DJ so good? Well, truth is: I don't really understand, but I fell down this hill, now I've got glue on my hands, and I got records on my fingers, and I just can't stop. Ha ha!" "Okay, okay, okay, everyone who has their radio playing in the background or whatever, listen up. I have, uh, something important to announce. I mean it! Stop what you're doin' for a hot minute. I need EVERYONE to pay attention for a moment. You listenin', fools? Good. Alright. Now... ["Never Gonna Give You Up" begins playing]
Ha ha ha ha! Got you, suckas!"
"Run, run, run as fast as you can, you can't catch me— 'cuz this is Jet Set Radio!" "You're listening to Jet Set Radio. And now, a word...from Sans." [Leads into the "sans" bumper]
"Ah, yes! Saturdays are made for dads! And JET SET RADIOOOOO!" "SEGA: Genesis denesis what Nintendenesis. This is JET SET GENESIIIIIS!" "So…[pause] what's the deal with airline food?" "Beep beep! Buckle up kiddies, Alex Kidd is ridin' straight to the radio! Wheeeee!" "Ohohohohoho! This is gonna be one wild ride! Now for some Cuh-razy Taxi!" "We kickin' it sky high today, into Daytona USA! Here's a Rooooolling Staaaart!" "Hoh-hoh! Hooh, mama! (gasps) Now don't get too close, or you'll burn your face off! Next up is Dead Heat Riders! Yow!" "Time to take it all back to where it all began: JET SET RADIOOOOO!" "Ooh, how about something new? This is Jet Set Radio Evolution!" "Looks like the FUTURE is here! Get ready for some Jet Set Radio Future!" "We're going all night long, baby. Ooh. Time for some NiGHTS." "Blasting through stars, and making you scream, we're broadcasting these beats straight into your dreams. This is NiGHTS." "Hey Birdman! Eat your heart out! Time for some Ollie King!" "Rappin like rappies and droppin' those 15-Star beats, it's Phantasy Star time! Yeah!" "Now let's have ourselves a fiesta, here's Samba De Amigo. Ooh. Caliente." "Comin' at ya all the way from the laboratory of Jean Paul Gasse. He's a phenomenon like no other! Let's take a close look at the one and only man of the sea: Seaman!" "Yo yo yo, rev up your engines for this next one: Here's Sega Rally." "We're blazin' through the waves, straight to your eardrums. Here's some Sonic Rush!" "Keep those rings up for Ulala, we're tuning in to Space Channel 5!" "This station is ALL the rage today! Now let's take some o' that to the streets. Time for some Streets of Rage." "Bringin' all your fantasies to life! Next up, we have some Super Fantasy Zone!" "Man, I'm on a roll today! And speaking of rollin', it's time for some Super Monkey Ball!" "Yo-yo-yo, we've got a breakin' weather report comin' in from Tokyo-to! A storm of funky beats is comin' straight to the JSR studios! It's big, it's bad, and it's bringin' a whole typhoon of sick tunes! Whoo! I'm telling you folks, I ain't seen weather this bad since 1983! Tonight's forecast: a heavy chance of Thunder Force!" "This next track's so killer it's gonna send you to hell and back! Don't believe me? Tell you what, I'll say it again— but this time, in red. ["Red Truth" sound effect plays] This next one's gonna send you to hell and back. Ahahahaha, baby!" "This song go so hard, it must be クリミナル! Time for some YAKUZA! [maniacal laughter]" [Trying out different voices] "Seven. Seven. Seven! Seven. Seven. Seven. Seven.. Seven.. Seven.. Seven.. Seven. Seven. Seveeeeen." "Ugh, this next one is sick. So stay home, wash your hands, and stay six feet away, or else you're gonna get mad cranky." "I'm sorry to say folks, these beats, man —phew!— these beats, some of you may die, but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. This is Jet Set Radio." "Yo, you ain't gonna believe this! So I was chilling down at Shibuya-cho the other day, and this...wooden, robot dude, whatever he was, was up all in my face! And he kinda looked familiar, so I said, 'Damn John, is that you?' but the robot was like 'Nah man, I-I'm not John, I get that a lot. Anyways, I was wondering if you knew about those I-talian restaurantes, I'm mad diggin' real good pizza right now.' An' I was like 'Yo, you're in Japan, dawg. just like...go down the street, we've got those fine-ass class Italian goods on every corner. But that robot man was like 'Aw, But that stuff is too expensive', like 'I don't wanna pay that much…not nice >:[' So I told that sucka 'Dude… shut the hell up and go to Pizza Hut'." "This music is soothing my sweet soul, brotha', whao! And it ain't over yet, let's get scratchin to the next few tracks. Jet Set Radiooooo!" "The station that will teach you the things your teachers and parents are too afraid to. This is Jet Set Radio. Now class, open your books to page 13. We're about to learn the fundamentals of… the 'banger'." "Hoo boy, that track's so funky, it (sniff) brings tears to my eyes! (sobs, but quickly perks up) If that wasn't the case for you, give this one a listen!" "Alright listen up rudies, I'm only going to say this once and once only... What? Hold on a second. [speaking away from the microphone] What? What do you mean this is being played more than three times? At least three times? I was only going to say it once not exactly three times on the dot. [clap] Ah, sheeit." Source: https://siivagunner.fandom.com/wiki/DJ_Professor_K%27s_Scratchin%27_Reel_-_Jet_Set_Radio_Evolution
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